"...And world peace."

maybe i've been watching too much gossip girl, but i just feel like i came from an interview for the position of usher to the dartmouth representative. scratch that, i feel like i just came from a panel interview for yale cross-pollinated with a miss universe question-and-answer portion. and this is the mental equivalent of me wondering whether i should have said something about world peace.

there were times when i wondered whether i should be saying what i was saying, but then i told myself long ago that i'm through being a people-pleasing chameleon just to be hired -- it's all about finding the right fit. i may have shot myself in the foot with one of my answers, but i'm pretty confident i didn't pull a janina san miguel. 

speaking of answers, it's the first time i've heard an employer describe themselves as "task oriented" versus "results oriented." iiiiinteresting. i wonder what the difference is. i kind of like "results oriented" more; people can just get so caught up in processes sometimes.

i became aware of two things about myself during this particular interview. one is, i have an internal smile barometer: i use people's smiles during a conversation as a gauge of success. if i can make you smile, i've "got" you. (yeah i know -- define "got", right?) by this token, most people find me amiable and charming. however, i've discovered that not all battles are won by charm (as any girl who tries to twinkle, wheedle and pout at an mmda officer on the take will discover). 

the downside: getting people to smile or warm up to me is like missing the forest for the trees. i can be seen as being flip or fluffy, which more often than not leads to tanking with people who are slow to warm up, painfully serious or just naturally poker-faced. lately i've gotten quicker at catching myself reverting to this barometer, which makes it easier to ignore. does anyone else have any going-well "indicators" like this?

second is, i've seen just how much i've come to see my extensive freelance experience as an asset. so i was rather surprised -- and a little thrown off, i'll admit -- when one of my panel interviewers seemed to regard my having held down a freelance job for over a year concurrent to my day job with suspicion. maybe i'm reading too much into a tone or expression or a simple "why?" or maybe they've just never encountered anyone like me before. who knows? but that's how views (and people are). one of my strengths might be someone else's red flag. c'est la vie.

okay, no more agonizing! because you know, that only leads to agony! and no more thinking, too -- because it only leads to more thoughts. from now on, any thoughts i'm going to have about this employer shall be related to how i can cook up some kick-ass story ideas for them by wednesday... or earlier. 

*cue megalomanic laughter* lulunurin ko sila! it's time for some good old pakitang-gilas!

oh, and world peace.