Musicians wrestle everywhere (especially at BOF)

"musicians wrestle everywhere" (words by emily dickinson) is a piece that we first learned for the tolosa repertoire under sir jojo. at first, being the stupid kidlets that we were back then, we hated it. finally sir jojo was like "ang chachaka niyo! kaya lang kayo napapangitan kasi hindi niyo siya maintindihan at ayaw niyo siyang aralin!" which shamed us all into silence. when i listened to the tolosa recordings (of which i was not part) i realized that he was right. it was a really great piece.

i also realized that musicians really do wrestle. everywhere. and pretty much all the time. i once made a collage about my stage fright and named it after that piece. i'm naming this post after that piece too, because nowhere am i more aware of our musical "wrestling" than during bamboo organ festival. seriously.

for one, it is such a physical struggle just to get there. the heat, the traffic, and for us corporate slaves, the stress (and guilt) of shirking work, which suddenly seems to grow steel tentacles in the days leading up to the festival. it's a mental struggle just to fend off these things and keep them from affecting the music. and sometimes (as our second performance of the ives piece proved), it's just one tremendous struggle to get to the end of even just one song.

thankfully, this year's big wrestle is over. and i've got the pictures to prove it. too bad i couldn't take pictures of the brilliant oboe solo during rossini. ibang klase, hindi siya tao.

i love taking pictures of this instrument. pansin ko lang. last time i took a shot of this, its owner was off on his break.

the bamboo morgan himself

scare-latti in performance

the diva herself. i swear i am archiving this for when rina becomes famous. by then, this may just get me a new car or something that i want very badly . or it could get me a tell-all book deal. hehe.

doña scolds maida. "ilang beses ko uulitin, 'day? huwag isama ang puti sa dekolor!"

performing schubert *yawn*

bamboo whoregan >:-)

in other news: double congratulate me--i am "recommitted" and have celebrated my first valentines' day with a boyfriend! pics and post coming soon.

What I learned from the EBU editors' conference

*how a washing machine works (optical sensors and buffer memory!)
*that you can buy extremely good LV fakes in shenzhen for below Php1,000--so good, in fact, that you can bring them to an LV store for repair and the staff won't know the difference
*that in a technical discussion about chips/wafers/soldering/physics, all the women will make snide comments and/or tune out. and only two or three guys will really be left talking.
*that i have big eagle eyes (so what's new?)
*that diets melt in the face of warm bread-and-butter pudding
*that the reason i kept oohing and aaahing over the lunch buffet ("winner! ang daming veggies!") was because i was the one who chose the menu pala.
*that the department secretaries may very well be bordering on piratable as copy eds.
*that i really, really like editing. or professional pang-ookray. same thing.
*that any excuse to be out of the office is good.
*that free food, for that matter, is also good.

More pics!

the presidential table (with flunkies)

editor queen at extreme right trying to restrain herself from intervening

editor queen gives in to her urge

master showman bal: journ 101

EBU editorial feeding program (especially tailored for rech hehe)

erg. double chin=resounding success of EBU editorial feeding program

zuma's daughters

zee fabulous turquoise mango jacket! isn't it loverly?

Special guests

sleeping beauty

sadako

sadako's next victim

the very promising next project for the fab five

Doogie Howser, laos ka

Grabe na itu. Gusto ko rin maging musical prodigy. Pwede pa kaya ako humabol?

This was me yesterday

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, sprinting amidst the steppes! It is Currystrumpet, hands clutching a sharpened screwdriver! And with a gutteral roar, her voice cometh: "I'm going to contort you with such wanton cruelty, you will not be able to see straight!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Eagle eyes at work

well, not really at work. this was taken at a two-day editorial conference last week at one of the editing workshops given by darius and mel. editing on acetate is fun--i wish all our copy could be printed on acetate. plus the big red marker gives you this all-powerful feeling. haha.

anyway, our team (with len, the queen eagle eye herself) won some competition or other related to this workshop. which was nice. i ended up carting home a sh*tload of global sources merchandise: a cap, polo shirt, golf umbrella and trolley bag.

the conference was fun, actually, and pretty useful for a relative newbie like myself. (although i feel that i've been here forever!) more pics to come.

in other news, singapore vacation plans are back on track. especially now that i have this cool trolley bag ;-)

Overwhelmed by nostalgia

*snapshot in my cubicle of an anilao sunset—taken on that out-of-this-world road trip with mic lura, chris de joya, anj and bea. i say "out of this world" mainly because of the mix of people. (let’s just say it’s not a group that you’re likely to see hanging out together in starbucks. or anywhere. ever.) mic drove by for us at 3am in his dying pickup truck (walang aircon, walang side mirrors, walang handbrake, walang kahit ano) and armed with a map that we didn’t really understand, we were off. off to wherever. we got seriously lost and ended up in a rocky little resort in anilao, batangas, where we spent a long lazy day on a floating hut (a.k.a. balsa).

another shot of the sunset on that day.

in the shot stuck on my cubicle, the sea is liquid gold, and as calm and flat as a mirror; the clouds are a moody grayish blue. ah, a time when one could just rush off without any direction, nary a care in the world (that last bit lifted directly from classic old-folks’ nostalgia speeches). it seems like such a long time ago.

*importing contacts from my old yahoo account to my new Hi5 account – so many names, so many people that I didn’t keep in touch with. mostly names from my first Europe trip, each associated with a real and much-savored memory.

anne turner: the big wide master’s bedroom in lakenheath, long stick-straight hair, tables groaning with food, a touch of furtive guilt.

philip manns: "love is the answer" under oak trees outside chateau peccany, in the early morning sunshine.

the riedel family: cappuccino with freshly foamed milk and polite bites of rhubarb cake (in a word… interesting), dusting off brigitte’s black quilted down coat, postcards wallpapering closet doors, marianne turning off the radio in the car so that we didn’t have to hear the news about the abu sayyaf kidnapping germans.

*listening to the corrs’ unplugged radio—brings me right back to frank’s little one-bedroom flat in limburg—sitting on the floor with the heat off, hearing the corrs’ unplugged album for the very first time. frank with his head cocked to the stereo, propped up on one elbow, long legs stretched out on the rug. drinking yellow tea and trying to warm my hands with the sides of the mug. looking up the word "blatant" in a german-english dictionary.

a lit candle on the long console table near the door. bottles of acqua di gio and fahrenheit on a bathroom shelf, a gray cotton t-shirt hanging from a rack. rain sliding down the wide picture window, gray clouds outside. and an immense longing.

cobblestones, "half-timbered houses" (such a musical phrase), sunshine suddenly breaking through storm clouds, and a happy race to take this photo of the limburg dom. the most unforgettable sunday of my young life.

a collage i made nearly two years after that day. i'm even getting nostalgic about just making collages.

ok, enough. this is making me overwhelmingly nostalgic. it doesn’t really help that radio itself is all about nostalgia.

i need something raucous and upbeat. ah, here we are. hello, melissa etheridge! hello, annie lennox and david bowie!

What I want to know is...

may ann, a dear dear friend from glee club, has been in a long-distance relationship for (at last count) eight years. the last time i saw may was during bamboo organ last year. i asked her how she and her boyfriend were doing, and how long it had been since they had last seen each other. "two years," she said, giggling.

another mayann, this time an officemate, has just come back from a month-long supervacation in mindoro. during a quick chat in the ladies' room, i gushed over her tan and how fantastic her long vacation must have been. "todo honeymoon ka ha!" i said. "oo nga," she sighed, "pero wala na ulit, nakaalis na."

then i asked her how often she and her boyfriend, who's based in goa, see each other. "yearly," she said matter-of-factly. "ang lungkot ano?"

so, what i want to know is: how do these women do it?

and here's another: can i do it? i'm only asking because now i know what "it" is and how hard "it" is, which i didn't know when we first decided to go for "it".

another thing i want to know is: does there exist a happy balance between the present and the future? or must every decision we make necessarily be a choice for one over the other?

help me.

Bamboo Morgan

photos taken at the ccp little theater last wednesday, during rehearsals for this year's international bamboo organ festival. acs, the philippine chamber choir and the philippine philharmonic orchestra are performing rossini's messa di gloria under the baton of miles ("smile") morgan.

among other things, of course. bamboo organ (or as rina likes to call it, bamboo morgan--very apt this year, given the name of our guest conductor) would just be totally surreal if we only had to do one piece. ha! i wish. i'm part of a smaller group of 20 that will be performing schubert's stabat mater and charles ives' psalm 90. then there are smaller groups of 7 and 10 that will be doing pieces by monteverdi and scarlatti--or scare-latti, as aggie likes to say.

bamboo organ is rather traumatic in its stressfulness. this year, thankfully, it doesn't seem to be so toxic. and the pieces are easy. or maybe we are just getting better at learning them. the first time we read through ives, i wanted to streak around naked while laughing maniacally. that or throw the piece to the floor and stomp on it like rumpelstiltskin dancing around his fire.

but--and this is how i feel about music more than any other thing--the more you learn it and grow confident in it, the more feeling you start developing for it and the better you want to be at it. so now, for example, i can actually express opinions about the ives piece, and see beautiful things in it, and not be afraid of it.

it's probably a good thing that i immortalized this thought. because if i'm really going to do what i think i've decided to do, then i'll need thoughts like that to sustain me.

---

had my first "serious" voice lesson with leslie today. serious as in 1) i paid him for it, and 2) it was done in the context of a goal. and here's how it went:

i poked a toe out of my comfort zone and realized that what i felt was ok in that zone is just not enough for the huge wild yonder outside it. so much work to be done, and so much to learn. so starting today, i will steel myself to leave behind this lackadaisical, habitual "default mode" and make more of a go-getter, let's-make-this-count effort.

now, if you'll excuse me, i have a slumber party to prepare for. tee hee.

It's been a Julia Fordham week

lyrics are abridged, with apologies to the brilliant ms. fordham.

from MISSING MAN
by julia fordham

people tell me i am strong
i might have to prove them wrong
as the cracks begin to show
i'm trying to find the strength
to let you go
missing man

do you miss me
missing man

---
from IT'S ANOTHER YOU DAY
by julia fordham

it's another you day
it's another you day
there you are
at the bus stop, by the dar

you're the music on my radio
and i can't turn you down
you're the driver on the ghost town
that's pulling me around
you are the traffic
you are everywhere

you're the star in every picture
and i'm so unrehearsed
i see you in the mirror
and i see myself reversed
you are a vision
you are everywhere

it's another you day
it's another you day
there you are
in my bedroom in the dark

i still think about you
all the time
you're always on my mind
that's okay
it's just another you day

---
from ALLELUIA
by julia fordham (feat. joe henry)

alleluia
i made it through
the day without you
just a day
another day
but i'm on my way

for a hushed sweet moment
everything made sense
and all my misplaced judgments
were awash with innocence

by the shore
near the harbor
a distant light
shines on the water
just a light
oh distant light
guide me through the night

an alleluia chorus
rang out across the waves
i have not gone the distance
but i am on my way

---

as a certain species of boy would say: "ang lupit, pare."

Cathy's wedding

our bonggacious soprano cutty walks down the aisle to the tune of the flower duet from lakme. taray! and a white carpet was rolled out especially for her trip down the aisle. wala akong masabi. (don't ask me why we call her cutty, we just do.)

cathy and vic at the altar. i really like this shot. (guido, ikaw ba to?) this is the first wedding of a friend where i actually cried. i don't know why. i didn't even cry at ayie's wedding.

at the choir loft--(L-R) elaine, me, tor in her funky grecian outfit, lorna, chris, mimi, jay, pia, mimoy, jd and papo. somewhere around are drei, aui, onyl and jonel. cutty also had a string quartet playing.

awww. they made it.

sir jojo cheering for the newlyweds. hehe.

cutty asked us to sing a couple of songs at the reception, but we turned the tables and asked her to sing with us. (am loving her bling, by the way.)

my goodness, this girl's family can sure sing. lalo na her little bro euan. he was like, "uh, first time ko kasi kumanta ng may kasamang orchestra [meaning the string quartet, LOL] kaya baka mali-mali yung timing, kaya pasensya na kayo ha" and then BOOM! he starts singing "for once in my life" by frank sinatra and turns into michael freaking buble. as in. ANG GALING NIYA.

the spurting chocolate fountain. medyo lasa siyang goya, but just the thought of all that chocolate was positively sinful. i didn't have any. REALLY.

rakets introduce you to a whole gamut of people, including some that you've known for quite a while but just lost track of. one of cathy's wedding photogs was a good old high school friend, angelo who i can't get used to calling guido. people think it strange that i have high school friends who are guys, as i studied at a nun incubator (i.e. all-girl catholic high school). well, that's me.

i love pictures like this. they look so happy, so... TGIS. LOL. or maybe TGIS the reunion. haha. note the very pregnant ayie (two weeks to go until a new acs baby is born!). i'm beside the bride in my pink-and-silver silk top and scarf from mango. the one marlon bought the last time we were together.

(haay. and that's another story.)

Make mine regular

well, what do we have here? -- 19 January 2005 Dear Deepa, We are happy to let you know that you have successfully passed your probationary employment as Copy Editor. As recommended by your immediate supervisor, your salary will {squeak closer to the minimum amount required to conduct yourself to and from work, feed yourself, and other such frivolities} effective 1 January 2005. Congratulations and we look forward to your continuing success. Yours sincerely, The Powers that Be -- ok. so basically this means: 1. i can now be given more work. 2. the government can now dig its filthy paws into a bigger portion of my salary. 3. i can now buy an indicator of residence, i.e. potted plant, for my desk, as this document negates the threat of being suddenly evicted from my workstation. it also invalidates the humiliation of juggling various personal belongings with an unwieldy terracotta pot in case said eviction were to actually take place. i'm thrilled. no, really, i am. because now i'm... well, i'm just regular. or regularized, if you want to be nitpicky about it. oh yeah. does "effective january 1" mean that i get retroactive salary this coming payday? because after all these shoes and a divine turquoise corduroy jacket from mango, i sure as hell need it.

In the works

a vacation. i plan to go and visit marlon for his birthday (march 23), which happens to conveniently fall smack dab in the middle of holy week. i have been working like a dog for the past few weeks (three! has it just been three weeks since christmas break?!?!?!) and if i don't get this leave i am going to start doing violent things. scary no? gulnar better not be reading this.

i am so, so excited. reason number one: we're going to give in to our tacky tourist urge and actually visit sentosa. as a rabid fan of the color pink, my excuse is that i want to see the pink dolphins. i don't know what my boyfriend's excuse is. that men in general do tacky things?

reason number two: marlon, the uber-nerd (as triumph the insult dog says: "made of the parts of lesser nerds") won two work-related awards recently. and they come with... 160-DOLLAR SHOPPING VOUCHERS AT ROBINSON'S AND MARKS & SPENCER! and 80-DOLLAR SHOPPING VOUCHERS AT TAKASHIMAYA! and he also got 30-DOLLAR SHOPPING VOUCHERS AT BORDERS!

sorry to shout, i am just drooling with anticipation. i, a self-confessed nerd, am in absolute heaven in huge bookstores like borders. i found robinson's a bit stuffy when i checked it out last year, but with SGD 160 at my disposal, i'm sure i can find something. and takashimaya is just plain good all-around shopping.

that's why the next thing in the works is...

a thinner me. i know, i know, isn't it always in the works? but! it will be sooooo much fun to go shopping weighing ten to fifteen pounds less. when i went to singapore last may, i ended up lugging home a sh*tload of shoes and bags. unlike clothes, they are so easy to buy when you're fat as they have absolutely no fitting issues. the day i see unsightly bulges while trying on a pair of shoes will be the seventh sign of fatima, or whatever.

speaking of shoes, another me is also in the works...

a little imelda. imelda marcos or imelda paul (my mother). doesn't matter. i am turning into a fledgling shoe freak. i bought three pairs of shoes in the last two weeks. well, four if you count the pair that i bought for cathy's wedding and returned the day after. YES, I AM A DASTARDLY CONSUMER. i bought a strappy silver pair with rather large bows and quickly realized that they would probably never see the light of day again. so i returned them the very next day and got something more functional: i.e. hot pink flip-flops that i now use when walking to the office in the morning.

i only realized that my shoe habit was becoming unhealthy when i had this conversation with my sister. she was showing me some clothes she had gotten on sale at mango.

ate: did you get anything at mango?
me: no, but i bought a pair of shoes--
ate: (cuts me off, shocked) WHAT??? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF A SHOE FREAK???

you must understand. we are a family of women who have at least a hundred shoes between them. and so for a member of my family to call me a shoe freak, i felt, was a big thing. now when my mom calls me a shoe freak i, i will seek professional help straightaway.

blog facelift. i have been feeling rather dull lately. dull as in not creative, bobo, boring. my posts could be more intelligent, my blog could visually show a little more of myself, and i could devote more time to creative pursuits that i used to have so much time for. luckily, i bumped into web guru/all around nice guy angelo jacinto aka guido at two weddings (one weekend after the other!), and he agreed to help walk me through the project.

at the rate i'm going though, it's more an crawl-through or ooze-through than a walk-through. i am currently sifting through ideas for the look and layout that i want, and checking out other blogs to get ideas. tips, suggestions and offers of help from the web-savvy of this world will be much appreciated.

a new citizenship. for only $275, i can be more indian than i currently am! i can travel to and from india without a visa (although the airfare alone is a major hurdle--it's almost as expensive as a US trip), i can own property, i can get whatever education benefits are extended to non-indian residents, blah blah blah! yes, i too can be an overseas indian citizen!

gulnar asked me a couple of weeks ago if i had a dual citizenship, and if i didn't, why didn't i?. that made me stop and think. oo nga no. why not? i poked around and found out that i can download the necessary forms online! india pa, i'm not surprised. so my sister and i are going to check it out. and who knows? this year could be the year when i acquire a new citizenship! then again, maybe not--it largely depends on whether i can spare that $275 at some point later in the year.

something. uuuy, something daw o. what it is, i cannot yet reveal to the world at large, although several friends already know. it's something i have done for most of my life and may pick up again. scary and exciting at the same time.

post about dada's baby and cathy's wedding. with milestones like these, i just can't ignore that i am getting older. haaay.

When in doubt, fill out a survey

i could actually write about a lot of good things--cathy's wedding, dada's new baby, lunch with a good high school friend who i haven't seen since grad). but it's the end of the workday and i'm totally zonked. so you'll have to content yourself with another survey.

TEN random things about me
i eat raw instant noodles
i suck on ketchup packets from mcdonald's (ONLY mcdonald's)
my name means "light"
i have always wanted to have gray eyes
i have 24 pairs of shoes (with about 9 inactive/soon-to-go pairs)
i have long toes (pia calls them fingers)
i actually like sarah geronimo
i don't eat tomatoes
i don't eat cucumbers, for that matter

NINE places i've visited (RECENTLY)
the saturday organic market at velasquez park
old spaghetti house at valero
sir jojo's house (and his sleep-inducing room)
landmark, my shopping mecca
mango at rockwell, my other shopping mecca
san fernando, pampanga
the mandarin oriental hotel
jesus delgado memorial hospital (to see dada and her new baby)
church of the gesu in ateneo

EIGHT things I want to do before I die
go diving
own a diamond
be a singer
have children (please lord let there be more girls)
learn how to cook
build a personal library
go to india (and scandinavia, and greece, and palawan)
learn photography

SEVEN ways to win my heart
give me dark chocolate (marlon has this part down pat)
show that you're not afraid of being unconventional
pray
be patient with me
allow me room to grow
have both deep and inane conversations with me about anything
cherish my quirks

SIX things I believe in
God
angels
being moral
true love
the future
my own potential

FIVE things i'm afraid of
haven't we gone over this already? i'll just add two:
ghosts
becoming a bitter/unfulfilled person

FOUR of my favorite items in my bedroom
my bookshelf
my pillows and comforter
rainbow-colored, woven square baskets where i dump my stuff
my mirror (surrounded by favorite pictures)

THREE things i do everyday
ride a tricycle
pick out accessories, a bag and shoes that match my outfit
write in my planner

TWO things i am trying not to do right now
eat sweets/carbs
slouch

ONE person i want to see right now
my boyfriend

Soul sistah

sabi na nga ba eh, i was born KSP.

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention. In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you. You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial. And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you achieve. You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy. You posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define. A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles. Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally! Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Survey vu (have I answered this before?)

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
Deepa
Deeps (for some reason i get weirded out when my sister calls me this. i think she only started doing so last year.)
errr... my boyfriend calls me Gorgeous (Gorge for short... how apt hahaha)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD (screen as in online?)
deepadiva
deepsydoodle
queenwitch (goodness this is an ancient one)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
my eyelashes
my voice
my fingers and toes

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
my puson
my arms
my butt

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
Filipino
Indian
Spanish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
being widowed
falling down a flight of stairs
getting my heel caught in a grate

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
sleep
blusher
a to-do list (or two or three)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
three-strand pearl necklace
white pointy-toed pumps with ankle straps
nerdy blue glasses

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS
Ateneo Chamber Singers
alicia keys
annie lennox

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS
hey ya by outkast (always puts me in a peppy mood)
hello by evanescence
annie's song by john denver

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
cooking
a cuisine that i've never tried before
traveling to malaysia or cambodia

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
(all of which i have... yay)
quiet moments
laughter
respect

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
i have kicked a dog
i have taken diet pills
i am allergic to cats

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
arms (especially forearms... mmmm)
eyes
a nice smile (dimples can't hurt)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO
ride a bike
keep from crying when i'm angry
pull all-nighters (i did once in college though... after three days of no sleep i started to think i was hallucinating)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
reading
bargain shopping
drawing/making collages (wish i had more time for this)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
shirk work
have dinner with my boyfriend
go to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! waaaah!!!!

I need a drink

i have officially been served a half-day suspension for my tardiness, effective friday. (at least i can use it to go to cathy's wedding.)

it's gonna be a loooooooong week. i need a drink.

How to make a Deepa

Ingredients: 1 part pride 3 parts ambition 5 parts beauty

Method: Layer ingredients in a shot glass. Add curiosity to taste. Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Nice guys Finnish last

there are some friendships that make you feel so happy for having maintained. sometimes they are with the most unlikely people.

like my finnish friend miikka. i can't believe we've been friends (long distance, email friends but friends nonetheless) for nearly four years now, without ever having seen each other since. we met four years ago at a competition in marktoberdorf, germany, which was without a doubt one of the best times OF MY LIFE. (right sir jojo? HAHA CAUGHT YOU, BLOG LURKER!!!!)

there are a lot of things that i really like about our friendship.

first, i think, is the kind of person that he is. miikka is the kind of guy who takes violin lessons, reads poetry and attempts to read dante in italian. where on earth will you find even semi-hot guys who do this? (answer: europe, apparently.) miikka is also the kind of guy who likes to (as he says) "...have a cup of coffee in a small cafe in helsinki (capital of finland) and laugh at the people who run by with a rush without realizing how relaxing it would be to sit down for a while and enjoy the moment."

awww.

i wonder if it has occurred to any of these finnish girls that this nice, quiet, unsuspecting reluctant engineering student is somekindofa renaissance man. lesson to all of us women: never ever discount the quiet guy.

second, is that in him i have found an unlikely support system for my dream. and more or less i know i am the same for him--he once printed something encouraging (or "couraging", as he puts it) and stuck it on his wall. i am inspired by our numerous email exchanges about pursuing music, by his resiliency and his quiet wisdom--phrased in his own quirky finnish-english, which he always pokes fun at.

(from his shortest email to me ever):

hi,
i got eliminated in the first stage of the audition. i feel shit.
miikka

haha! i saved this to give him a laugh when he's a famous singer. but seriously, his good sense amazes me sometimes. maybe there's something to being as quiet as the finns are.

Thank you for the couraging words. It seems to me that it has been quite often that I have needed those words and it probably will be so in the future. Someone has said that professional singing means having 10 failed auditions per each successful one. And so it seems to be! Sorry for not being very couraging now :) But I don't think I'll ever stop dreaming. And neither should you!

And also I can't think of any great artist who would have had very easy path to go. Maybe it is also that you must have suffered enough to have something to say, to be able to touch others with your music. I don't know.

Take care and keep dreaming, but do not think that you will be happier if your dream comes true. Enjoying each step towards the goal is as important as enjoying the goal itself.

third, is that i've learned quite a number of things about the finnish culture from him (or from independent study, for reasons that i will talk about later on). or about people in general. and how sometimes, they just pleasantly surprise you.

fourth, is that he's funny in his own quiet way.

Congratulations for having a boyfriend. It must have been a difficult task to find someone worth you! I hope the guy understands what he's got.

I still have no girlfriend. I don't quite understand where are they all hiding.

fifth, and perhaps most meaningful of all, is that our friendship has come to mean so much more than i first wanted it to. i'm glad that i finally gave up on trying to entrap him into some kind of weird relationship. (suddenly i remember this joke about nokia's tagline really being "nokia: making finns talk") and i'm so glad the friendship outlasted the infatuation.

besides, if i had still been gaga over miikka, i wouldn't have even noticed marlon. and what a disaster that would have been. :)

Five

hey mika, answering this was fun!

Five Things You May Not Know About My Time in School
*i had a QPI of 3.9 one brilliant semester
*i was single all throughout college
*i got a D in math from a teacher who is a very good friend
*at the start of freshman year, i was twenty pounds lighter than i am now
*i wrote someone an anonymous naughty valentine... and he found out about that i wrote it. in retrospect i realized he was totally not worth the embarrassment

Five Things You May Not Know About the Job/s I Have (or Had)
*i've interviewed lesbians, a british boy band, trauma survivors, alex compton (my favorite celeb interview to date) and *shudder* carlos agassi
*i have road-tested pickup lines (damsel in distress gets 'em every time)
*my former boss made me reserve his hotel rooms and pay his club shares
*i have had a toddler pee on me
*i have dressed up as a viet cong, complete with bullet belt and faux rifle

Five Things You May Not Know About My Online Life:
*i have five email accounts: sanriotown, yahoo, gmail and two on ateneogleeclub
*i have at least five online albums
*i am forbidden to use yahoo messenger or chikka at the office. grrrr
*my every online move while at work is monitored by the isd department. they allegedly have a record of each and every site i visit and how long i'm there. the jig is up--they know that i don't work at all! haha!
*i furtively listen to radio stations from places like aruba and mauritius

Five Things You May Not Know About Where I Live:
*i have a fuschia bedroom wall. just one. the others are white
*we have seven askals inside the house: two parents, five puppies
*there is a xerox shop, an internet cafe and a lotto outlet right outside my gate
*my neighbors are the loudest, most @#*(^$! people on earth
*at least two of my paintings are hung somewhere around our first floor

Five Things You May Not Know About My Home Life:
*i live in a household entirely of women
*three out of five of the women in my house are over the age of 50
*i lock myself in my room a LOT
*my sister and i want to give away our askal puppies but my mom doesn't want them to go. oooo conflict
*my family doesn't own a car

Five Things You May Not Know that I Desperately Want:
*to study music in europe
*to be a diva
*a new mattress
*a car
*to be at least ten pounds lighter

Five Embarrassing Fannish Admissions I Have That You May Not Know:
*i bought edward furlong's album
*i bought aerosmith's "get a grip" album (classic!) just because edward furlong was in their "living on the edge" video
*i used to write "short stories" that featured me and my celebrity crushes
*i jumped over the fence to the expensive seating section at a bon jovi concert
*i once asked for eric fructuoso's autograph. he is now married to a high school friend of mine.

Five Things You May Not Know About What I Do in a Typical Day:
*i set my alarm extra early so i can have the satisfaction of going back to sleep
*i buy taho on the street almost daily
*i have a ten-minute stroll to the office
*i make my own lunches (salad ingredients in the office ref)
*i wrestle with someone-or-other's bad english

A new day

i was blog-hopping and saw this title on another person's post today. sorry to be unoriginal, but "a new day" somehow stirs more hope and anticipation in me than "a new year." maybe the latter has been overused in the past few days.

the best thing is, it's a new day every day.

--

three words that marlon and i will be repeating to ourselves (and each other) a lot this year: make it count.

--

i just received fifteen minutes of the most sensible, inspiring, thought-provoking, well-timed and opportune advice that i will probably ever receive from anyone. off the top of my head i don't remember getting talked to like this by anyone but my mother.

i wish i'd had a notepad or a recorder or time to absorb everything. but the grindstone is reaching for me with surprising ferocity. i want to get home so i can mull over the advice i've received. damn work and groceries.

but, at any rate: thanks, cousin.

--

my dad died twenty-two years ago today.

crazy thought: i felt that my dad was looking out for me somehow. i needed that talk. and maybe i needed to feel someone looking out for me, to feel that even with my delusions of independence someone feels responsible for me.

crazy thought.

--

marlon flew back to singapore yesterday, and my beige shoes from DMK gave out today.

on the other hand, it was a beautiful january day when i stepped out of the office for a solitary lunch. anyone who has ever noticed the particular charms of january in this country will know what i mean. strong, cool breezes left over from christmas, and blue skies and warm sunshine that let you know summer is just around the corner.

would that each new day looked and felt like this one. maybe it would be easier to deal with life's disasters, small or tremendous, real or imagined.

Shopcrazy

yay! i was on vacation today. long leisurely brunch at nielsen's with marlon, a quick stop at the office to email myself work (ick) and a couple of hours at makati cinema square, where marlon and i enriched some chinaman by spending a small fortune on pirated dvds.

true to (male) nature, marlon completed his purchases in about five minutes. he bought new PS2 games, some of which i'm rather interested to try myself. we spent the rest of the time looking around for a dvd of queen margot, which i didn't find :-( BUT we did find a treasure trove of a whole lot of other classic eighties films. my favorite finds:

the omen one AND two. ooooh. my mom thought my sister looked like little damien as a baby. that thought really freaked her out. my mom, i mean.

splash. see how skinny tom hanks is? i used to confuse him with steve gutenberg. after watching this as a kid, i couldn't get the woolie boolie out of my head for weeks.

two major gems that we didn't get (and that i will probably go back for): a john tavener choral ikons dvd (go figure) and sheena, queen of the jungle. sheena (tanya roberts--for some reason i always thought she was played by sheena easton, har har) was marlon's very first crush. reading the plot synopsis on the back of the dvd made me realize that it is such a camp classic, like nympha and temptation island (right jason?). i HAVE to have it.

major disappointment: the swatch bunnysutra is way too big for me. for the first time in my life, i wished i had fatter wrists. i was thisclose to buying it. marlon later confessed that he was also thisclose to buying it for me. crapcrapcrap.

major perk: marlon got me a winner puson-minimizing skirt at mango (half off). after a year and a half, he has become a master at spoiling me. i almost got myself a red bag that marlon said reminded him of prostitutes' pouty lips (eh?). however, i exercised willpower by thinking of my sd card and infrared adapter. geek.

i got myself a planner instead, since the ateneo planner this year is kinda ugly, save for the quotes from ateneo institutions such as doreen, dax manacsa and padre ferriols. it's a lonely planet planner, which i will heretofore refer to as the lonely planner.

my lonely planner

postscript: i spent new year's eve day (?) with marlon. and guess what he did, again? took me shopping at mango.

i actually looked at this with interest (i noticed that i tend to buy things that match what i'm wearing at the moment) until marlon cried, "they killed cookie monster!" he's a sharp one, that boy.

mango has this line of strange furry kilikili bags. stick two of them (black, no less) under your kilikili and you have a veritable forest of kilikili hair. this was so insanely ugly that we had to take a picture of it. the mango staff must have suspected us of being pirates from shenzhen.

i think i've corrupted my boyfriend for life. he spends maybe an hour in mango sitting on the floor with all the other glazed-eyed boyfriends. then he decides to buy his sister a new year's present. it's his brother's birthday tomorrow and he doesn't want her to feel left out since she's not opening presents. then he walks into folded & hung and decides to buy a polo that he thinks would look really good on his dad. then, so that nobody feels left out in all this gift-opening, he buys a necklace for his mom.

he takes me home in a cab, loaded down with all these spur-of-the-moment presents for me and his family. he's tired and probably broke.

in the cab, he puts his arm around me, gives me a tight hug and a smile, and whispers in my ear, "this was a wonderful day. thank you, sweetie."

and i'm thinking, what on earth did i do to deserve this guy?

Stumped

i have extra cash on my hands and i don't know what to do with it. okay, the bobo answer is save it, of course ("jesus saves, so should you"), which i'm already doing. the nice thing about this extra cash is that it begets extra cash, even after a considerable amount of savings.

so i could actually get myself things that i want. i had this whole list of things that i wanted, except now i can't remember most of it. so here i am trying to remember.

the first two things that come to mind are positively geeky and are a shameful, despicable reminder of how deeply i have become entrenched in my job.

an infrared adapter? so that i can transfer pics from my phone to my desktop. no, i don't want one of those usb transfer cable thingies. sony ericsson probably sells a proprietary one that will cost me an arm and a leg. i don't have an extra arm and leg; all i have is extra cash.

a securedigital (SD) card for my upcoming new digital camera? although i got a really good deal, it doesn't come with a SD card so i'll have to get myself one. oh no--i can see this spawning the need for a card reader. ugh. desktops. maybe i should just scrimp for a year and get myself a laptop with both an IR port and a card slot... nahhhhh.

a swatch? ahh. now this is more me. getting a watch is more of a protective gesture for my new baby (my lovely sony ericsson k700i. maybe i should name it). tor's story about getting held up on her doorstep in freshman year really scared me. a passerby asked her for the time; since she didn't have a watch, she took out her phone to check. tinutukan siya. goodbye phone.

since i always take out my phone to check the time, i could do with a watch. i've always liked swatch, and the last time i owned one was in grade school. it was a pop swatch with polka dots--how eighties. the skin series has some pretty cool models. there's also a swatch bunnysutra that's really cute.

investment pants? mango is on its end-of-season sale.

moisturizer? the office air always dries out my skin and i end each day feeling like a scrap of sandpaper.

another pair of funky glasses? those pink ones in UP sarabia.

shoes? STOP. i should not get another pair of shoes. i should just pay mr. quickie a visit.

eena's monthly shopping list amazes me. the thought that she'll probably get every single thing on it is so... so... kakainggiiiiit. the girl has money coming out of her ears. i was telling marlon about it last night and he was like, "give up singing. mag-stewardess ka na lang."

a jazz cd? miles davis' bitches brew, charles mingus, or one of those compilations from tower records. i used to have a list of all the CDs i wanted to buy, but the titles escape me now.

a planner? a book? maybe not a book. i'm not lusting after anything in particular.

sigh. i'm stumped.

Year-ender

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? -- take a plane ride by myself, work in a multicultural environment, get paid for overtime, played final fantasy x on the PS2, beat my boyfriend at tekken, fedex a birthday present, graduate from college, have my own room, break a customs rule, save a considerable amount of money, be very angry with someone close to me for a long time, maintain a long-distance relationship, live with someone for three weeks, wake up to a city view, become friends with my ex, get a foot spa.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? -- i don't remember most of them, but i think i did. will make more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? -- no. well... does our dog vita count? oh yeah, aui gave birth to ela this year... i think.

4. Did anyone close to you die? -- no, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit? -- singapore, thailand, indonesia

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? a regular form of exercise, more time off from work, more travel, more time with my boyfriend, storage space for my room and a new mattress

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? -- june 11, my first year anniversary with marlon, which we spent together in singapore; july 1, my first day at global sources.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? -- graduating from college with honors, getting a job, nurturing my relationship with marlon

9. What was your biggest failure? -- hayy. dropping voice lessons with leslie, sitting on my goals for the most part of the year. oh and something called the south beach diet. hehe.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? -- yes. i was always sick for most of my first few months at global sources.

11. What was the best thing you bought? -- hmmm that's tough, since a lot of the stuff i really liked was bought for me by marlon. can't name any one thing, so here goes: funky logo tees at landmark, my blue lisa loeb-ish glasses, miles davis' kind of blue, the art of travel

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? -- my sister's, eena's, my boyfriend's

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? -- won't name names, but someone very close to me. oh and the usual local politicians. gma is turning out to be a horrid disappointment.

14. Where did most of your money go? -- transpo and food

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? -- going to bangkok, the acs' october concert, marlon's visits home

16. What song will always remind you of 2004? -- alicia keys' "if i ain't got you", songs from american idol season 3 especially "i believe" and "chain of fools". go fantasia!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier. definitely.
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner, thank heavens.
iii. richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? -- sleep early, take better care of my belongings, exercise, work towards my long-term goals

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? -- eat unhealthy, fattening food, impulse shopping

20. How will you be spending Christmas? -- i spent it being mushy with my boyfriend, pigging out and ignoring the whoosh of impending deadlines

21. Did you fall in love in 2004? -- technically no, but i did keep falling in love over and over with one guy. (i'm mushy, shoot me.)

22. How many one-night stands? -- none, some stolen weekends though ;-)

23. What was your favorite TV program? -- ugh. for a very brief time: iron chef, jamie's kitchen (hmm i sense a pattern here), american idol (towards the finals), whose line is it anyway?

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? -- not hate. more like disappointed in/struggling with.

25. What was the best book you read? -- philip pullman's his dark materials trilogy. thanks jeline! oh and the art of travel. thanks doc garcia!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? -- jazz, particularly miles davis' kind of blue. also mingus big band, ladysmith black mambazo, yo-yo ma and cecilia bartoli.

27. What did you want and got? -- a job, a feeling of working towards my goals, savings, new shoes (lots of them!!!), marlon home for christmas, a tagaytay trip with marlon

28. What was your favorite film of this year? -- kill bill vol. 2, the return of the king, the incredibles, wimbledon

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? -- lookie here

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? -- getting to go to the beach more, getting to watch alicia keys life, not going off the south beach diet.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? -- comfort with a twist, lots of accessories

32. What kept you sane? -- music, sleep, chocolate, books, feelings of accomplishment, my boyfriend

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? -- christian bale and jude law. fancied as in admired but not lusted after: anna netrebko.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? -- the US elections, Bush's bumbling in Iraq, the General Garcia case, pork barrel and the fiscal crisis

35. Who did you miss? -- aside from my boyfriend? maggie! was also really sad that i didn't get to see sir joel in the states.

36. Who was the best new person you met? -- surajit, darius and the EBU lunchtime group, new acs members like stalee, bong, alfred and liz

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: -- get started.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: -- "The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all/And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall/It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad" from thank you by dido. hmmm, there should be something better than this, but can't think of it at the moment.