iSad

I was a latecomer to the Apple party. It was only three years ago, when I had first moved to Singapore and was looking for a job. I was so frustrated with how slow my old laptop took to start up. The afternoon when it took over an hour and a half reduced me to tears. 

I ordered a refurbished Macbook Pro that same evening. All it took to get over the cost hurdle was the prospect of writing—more than just, my livelihood but my expression—becoming "fun, portable, inspiring and pleasurable" once again. It did. It still is.

I then became part of an industry that depended on Final Cut Pro. It was a constant in my workaday world. Before I moved to Amsterdam, I became a certified Apple Final Cut Pro user. Only last month, I did my first-ever editing job from home, all by myself. 

Thank you, Steve Jobs. 

How you lived your life changed not only how I feel about technology or listen to music. It changed how I do my work, earn my living and express myself.

In fulfilling your possibilities, you gave us new ones.

The world will miss you.

Rest in peace.

Take a bow

While cleaning the living room this morning, I was aghast to find that the tulips Marlon gave me just the other night had... er, taken their final bow.

Dying swan ang drama. Bow.

As in salampak! This puts the "over!" in overnight. This has never happened to me, not even in Singapore.

Ganun ba kainit kahapon? It's been fiercely sunny the last couple of days, which doesn't necessarily mean it's been warm. By some weird winter logic, sunny cloudless days actually have lower temperatures of -2 to 3℃ while cloudy gray days are warmer at about 6 to 9℃. And yes, my tropical friends, 9℃ is warm. Masaya na ako doon.

Time to hie off to the bloemenshop for some new tulips...

Change

With just two working days left until I officially leave the company, I've begun turning over my projects, introducing new colleagues to old clients, clearing files from my computer and cleaning out my desk.

While organizing my numerous work files for the next user of my poor overloaded Mac, I found this scanned illustration by one of our former interns.

Suddenly, it seemed like a hundred years ago that the company I worked for felt like a family, and the office I worked out of felt like a home.

We had office pets, for goodness' sake!


We had Da Hui ("Big Gray"), the stunningly gorgeous but impossibly cranky feline who hated to be carried, often got lost, liked to sit on top of the printer and keep watch out the window, once stank up the office with his ear infection, liked to climb on the roof and eat bamboo, who needed to be fed and watered and whose litter needed to be replaced over the weekend.

I first laid eyes on Da Hui at my initial interview; seeing him was like receiving The Sign that I needed, that I was destined to work here! Da Hui has since retired from the busy life of an office feline and now shares an uneasy but well-decorated space with James' old cat.

We had koi fish in a shallow pond, which we transferred from office to office by rolling up our jeans, wading into the pond and startling them into a cooler one by one.

We had occasional visits from Snugger, a perky, fluffy and often dressed-up white terrier who belonged to Lilian. We used to walk him at times, and my heart would melt seeing him stare mournfully at the door waiting for Lilian to come back from some meeting or other. Then I would laugh when she'd come back and he would leap on her, licking and yapping uncontrollably in a frenzy of joy.

The place I work for now seems so different from this company that once kept pets. Pets! Maybe because you really need to care to keep pets around. And maybe it's why leaving is the right decision.

Happy thoughts

I'm in need of more happy thoughts today. A huge opportunity I had been waiting to be confirmed for more than a month now has been confirmed.

I have been praying for it for a while now, and even lit a candle for it at the Santo Nino cathedral in Cebu (ergo photo on the left). So I guess I got my answer...

And the answer is no. I'm not getting it.

It was a writing job for three to four months in Athens (ATHENS!!!!) and despite being the top choice for the job. My well-placed source (I have eyes everywhere) told me the company basically loved me. And it was a writing job I could not only do with minimal stress, but one that I was actually looking forward to after all the production work.

Basically it all boiled down to our wonderful Philippine passport -- the visa was the only thing stopping me from starting within 10 days like they wanted me to.

It sucks. It's almost enough to make me consider Singaporean citizenship just for the mobility. Or maybe a Spanish citizenship, since apparently it only takes two years of residency for us Pinoys (and other former colonies screwed by the teenaged, sowing-its-wild-oats Spain) vs ten years for everyone else.

It's not that I'm lacking good options here. I have a job waiting for me after I leave the company --

AY. I RESIGNED PALA. I TENDERED LAST MONDAY. MY LAST DAY AT WORK WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN APRIL FOOL'S DAY, BUT OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART I EXTENDED IT TO APRIL 9TH.

-- anyway where was I?

Yes, I have good things waiting in the wings.

I can take most of April and maybe a little of May off to bum around, finally clean the walk-in closet, and work on my tan. My former muay thai trainer and Pinay gym-mate are fighting in Bangkok in April, and watching them shed blood sounds exciting, so I might go. Marlon is planning a work trip to the States in May, and I'm looking forward to flying to LAX with him then going off to San Fo to eat Chris and JD out of house and home see Chris and JD while he is off working in Cincinnati. I could also make the trip to Cinci, since Loi and Mimoy are a bus ride away once I get there.

Those are happy enough thoughts no?

Goodbye Oxley Road

The company I work for is moving to a new office this weekend. With Lilian gone and James leaving soon, moving out of the house on Oxley Road feels like an end of an era, a farewell to the "old" BDA. I wonder what the new one (both the house and the company) will be like.

I admit I had my doubts about it at first, but I could see the potential. My love for old houses soon won out. With some minor improvements and a fresh lick of paint, the beauty of this pre-war house (which is considered ancient in Singapore) began to shine through. I began to fall in love with its airiness, high ceilings and the abundance of natural light, which I will miss. 

The main workroom for me, the interns and the boys (designers). The light fixtures are vintage and come with the house. The floors are polished cement. 

It always fills me with pride to hear the reactions of clients and visitors who step into our office for the first time. People just love it. 

We used to have clients who would come over for meetings more often than usual just to escape the tedium of their own offices. Everybody would rave about how beautiful it was, how we must love working here, how it doesn't feel like an office at all, how they would love to work here, what a bomb we must be paying for a place like this (it rents for substantially less than people might suspect). I couldn't agree more. Even when I have to come to work on Saturday, the house is a consolation. It never feels like work. I sometimes find myself calling it "the house", not the office.

Our head office in London hates it. I think they just don't understand the culture and how aspirational this kind of place is for people in the region. I don't understand how our group director could have called it a shithole. :( Thus the move. 

We painted these murals using the company motif (fish) and color (blue) last January when the economy was down -- business was so slow that we had nothing else to do. It was a brilliant idea of Lilian's -- it was fun and kept us busy until work started to roll in.

When we first moved in, I made sure to get a desk beside the window for the sunshine and the greenery.

Speaking of greenery, there is so much of it around. I will miss it. Here's the second floor hallway where Jerrold likes to have his coffee and smoke with James. 

And right across from us is the yoga studio. Sometimes when I feel stressed I come up here and look out into the green and the neighborhood. 

Or I go into the backyard and take a breather. More recently I've developed the habit of having lunch outside even though most people find it too warm out. I'll miss the backyard too. 

It's a perfect place for barbecues, which we do quite often. 

Barbecues seem to be one of the national pastimes of Singapore, right after shopping and queuing for something. 

We had the last official barbecue last night and I still smell like liempo.

I'll even miss the kitchen, which is too small to fit more than three people at a time and reminds me of a hobbit kitchen. 

I'll miss the neighborhood and stepping out into this sunshiny, quiet street (which enjoys special protection, considering Lee Kwan Yew lives on the same street). I'll also miss the five-minute walk to Orchard Road -- goodbye Uniqlo megastore, long decompressing lunches, quick decompressing shopping escapes, Mang Kiko's lechon. I'm sure Chinatown is pretty happening as well, but well Orchard is different.

Goodbye, 55 Oxley Road. You were a lovely home to all of us. Too bad we only knew you for a year and a half. 

In shock

my favorite starstruck kid died this morning in his sleep. i am in shock.

he won the year i first started handling starstruck promos. he was a huge crush of mine that season, from the first pictorial where i kept telling him not to squint while smiling, through that whole shirtless-in-the-rain video (where he totally brought it!) that got everyone to sit up and notice, up until he won. 

when he started working, he soon gained a reputation of being one of the nicest young men in the network's stable of stars. i haven't met anyone who has worked with him who didn't instantly like (if not love) him. he was always so sweet to me whenever he's see me around the network. 

he was just getting started. he had some good turns, but was pretty much untested and really had to still get his big break. a plum indie role a couple of years down the line, or maybe just as part of the natural turnover process for leads in the network. i figured time would take care of that, since it didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. who knew?

it's a cliche, i know, but it's at times like these that you really think, the good ones go first. why couldn't it have been some other inflated a-hole or talentless hack?

i'm so shocked and sad.

Goodbye Nanay

my maternal grandmother, whom we called nanay, passed away in her sleep a little past midnight on wednesday. she had been confined in the hospital after coming down with a high fever the previous thursday, and had been showing signs of recovery despite being unconscious for several days. but our lord was kind, and took her painlessly and peacefully at the ripe, ripe old age of 94.

there are many other ways i've seen His kindness over the past few days. He also spared my mom from having to make any agonizing decisions over whether to keep her attached to all the medical equipment in the hospital in the hope of recovery, or simply to take her home and let the inevitable happen. i can say without a doubt He is truly wise, and makes the best decisions of all.

nanay has been one of the constants of my life, one of those that you think will never go away. she has lived with our family my -- and my sister's --- whole life.

this is the first time that i've faced a death in my own family. i was three when my dad died, so it was never really real for me.

there is much to say about nanay, and about the past few days, but i'll save that for when i get back. my sister and i flying home later tonight (after much wrestling with cebu pacific's insane ticketing system) to be with our mom, who is my biggest concern at this point. marlon will follow on a jetstar flight tomorrow morning. the funeral will be in my mom's home town of sta. cruz, laguna on sunday morning.

please say a prayer for nanay and our family. and when you do, please thank God for me -- for her long and full life, her peaceful and painless passing, and for the new angel who is now looking out for my family from a long-reserved, choice spot by His side.

Missing bading

if you are what you are nostalgic for, then this speaks volumes about me.



i miss gma! i miss michael v and my other favorite artistas! i miss my beloved badings! i miss being babaeng bakla!

on that note, thank goodness bitchik will be here next week. haha!

Send to all

Subject: Goodbye and thanks :-)

Dear all,

Today is my last day at GMA. As many of you already know, I will be married next Saturday, December 29. Post-wedding, I will begin my new life as a married woman (eeek!) in Singapore, where my husband-to-be Marlon has been based for the past four years.

While I'm excited and raring to go, it's difficult for me to leave the network. There are really no words for everything that I've come to love and appreciate about working with all of you.

Thank you for the unique contribution each and every one of you has been to my life. I haven't found a job in Singapore yet, but I can only hope to find one that I can love as much as this. This will be my benchmark for a workplace to have fun and grow in, be passionate about and be inspired by.

Please keep in touch and look me up if you do plan to go to Singapore. Mahal ang accommodations doon ha, sa amin na lang kayo tumira para mas marami kayong pang-shopping ;-)

Deepa

In the background

i was writing this over at the wedding blog. but then i realized it really didn't have any place there. so i'm bringing it over here.

i wanted to post the sketch of my wedding dress today, but i didn't feel like it. and i felt bad that something could happen that would rob the joy of sharing my wedding dress -- my beautiful, beautiful dress -- with all of you.

see, marlon and i are sad about something. it's there in the background, and we can't simply wish it away.

i remember a conversation we had with gerwin late last year, right after his wedding to charlie. he said something like, expect that everything that can happen, will happen this year. all the conflicts, arguments, and everything our good friend murphy can come up with, will come up.

wala lang. i just remembered that.

this is strange and mysterious; i'm finding out just how much i love -- want to love -- someone. and it isn't marlon. i hope someday she finds out too.

it's times like these that i remind myself that our commitment isn't to being sad and wishing things were different or better. it's to a whole and joyful family, to love, to aliveness, and to our special day being a day where all these are present -- not just for marlon and i, but for everyone. and we're committed to finding love, aliveness and joy each step of the way.

even in the little things. like my wedding dress. if it's up on the other blog, then you'll know i've picked myself up and not let the sadness rule me.

so even if i don't feel like blogging about the wedding right now, i will keep blogging -- and sharing. and even if we just feel like rolling over and giving up, we just won't.