He's just not that into you

last weekend, i picked up a book i found in my sister’s bedroom called “he’s just not that into you.” fans of sex and the city will remember this simple, wise and extremely liberating axiom from one of the later episodes in the series.

“he’s just not that into you” claims to be the no-excuses guide to understanding men, the premise being that we women just love to make excuses for anomalous guy behavior (he’s afraid of intimacy, he’s just really busy, he’s rebounding, he’s not ready for commitment, he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship) when it can all be explained in one neat sentence.

that’s right. he’s just not that into you.

because a guy who really is into you will jump through hoops to get your number, spend time with you, and make you happy. i used to hear this a lot from my mom, but it only became utterly real to me when i met marlon. (insert “awwwww” here.)

some choice passages from the book:

• if he’s not calling you, you’re not on his mind. you deserve a f*cking phone call.
• there’s a guy out there who will want to tell the whole world that he’s your boyfriend. quit goofing around and go find him.
• if you really love someone, you want to do things to make them happy.
• true love cures commitment-phobia. [very true, says the reformed commitment phobe.]
• beware the word “friend.” it can often be used by men or the women who love them to excuse the most un-friendly behavior [to me, this reads ‘post-breakup anomalies that happen under the convenient banner of “let’s still hang out together ‘cause we’re friends now”.’ oh, what suckers we women can be!]. personally, when i’m picking friends, i like the ones that don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

i'd been feeling inexplicably warm and fuzzy towards my ex lately, and had even been thinking of sending him a “hey let’s be friends and get together, i’ve been wondering how you are” text. after reading this book, i remember why he’s no longer part of my life, and why i only started really getting over him when i realized that i had so many reasons to be glad that we were indeed over.

i wish greg behrendt and liz tuccillo, the authors, had written their book much earlier, so i could have discovered it when i was much younger and so into making excuses for my ex’s behavior. back then, neneng-me didn’t have the guts to call a spade a spade, and neither did he. (no, this is not a booty call. i just want to hang out with you. yeah, yeah, yeah.)

the great thing about this book is that it tells you (in sharp, direct, and very un-self helpy language) to do just that. it also tells women that guys can and do totally fall all over themselves to be with/treat well a girl that they’re really into. (g, our token regular male, is most welcome to verify this. pressure pressure! haha.) most important of all, it tells women that we deserve such a guy, and we can’t find him until we quit making excuses for this half-baked relationship that we’re still in.

highly recommended for singletons. and you committed people might as well get it too, because you’ll feel so absolutely wonderful that you’ve found that fabulous person the authors promise is out there, somewhere, for each one of us – the antithesis to the person you so stupidly made all those excuses for, once upon a time.

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what can i say, j? i guess great minds do think alike! ;-)