Grayness

this fugly grayness! when will it end?

normally i love really gloomy weather -- leo and i get to pretend that we’re in the u.k. (“reminds me of ahhhrland”, as we like to say). plus it was a convenient excuse to put off boxing for an entire week (“kasi naman, kakatamad ang panahon”, i said to myself almost helplessly). but it’s stretching on a bit too long. affected na ako!

most of last week was sluggish – i was practically falling asleep at my desk by 7pm. depriving myself of endorphins was most definitely not a good idea, as i found out yesterday when i finally slunk back to the gym. whereas seven rounds in the ring gave me nothing more than a “healthy glow” on my last session, yesterday’s four measly rounds were enough to reduce me into a purple-faced, wheezing, pudding-like creature. must get back on track.

the weekend was surprisingly gloomy as well. i usually enjoy going to the mall to window shop or run non-essential errands by myself (it gives me a sense of normalcy to counter the all-nighters and late hours). but i just found myself getting – well, lonely. i wanted to try cyma at shangri-la, but it didn’t seem like much fun to try a new (and supposedly good) restaurant all by myself. so i went for comfort food (bibingka with salted duck egg) at via mare – and, since i was the only person eating alone and there’s not much people-watching at shang, still felt lonely. haay.

then there was sunday’s conversation with marlon. lately, talking about wanting to be with each other invariably leads to difficult questions. you know those old-school questions that parents are supposed to thunder at young couples who want to get married? “saan kayo titira?” “paano kayo mabubuhay?” yeah, those.

i guess when we started out, we thought we could breeze through those matters armed with mobility and financial stability and all those things young couples are supposed to try to achieve (well, not that we have, but we seem to be on the right track). it’s rather ironic that those very questions would end up staring us in the face anyway.

i don’t know why asking those questions can be so difficult when, for all intents and purposes, we are quite blessed, and our futures should be brimming with promise. this just seems to be one of those inescapable moments when the future just looks more like a soup of decisions than a shimmer of possibilities.

it’s – well, hazy. kind of like the view from my office window.