Belated happy father's day

a recent conversation over ym with my sister, the manghuhula addict.

Ate: siguro 3 ppl na may psychic ability nagsabi magkakajowa na ako this year to early next year
Ate: sana nga!
Ate: yung isa dun yung friend ko na nakakita ng multo
deepsydoodle: ngee
Ate: yung girl na nag point out sa akin na mali spelling pangalan ni daddy sa puntod
Ate: kahit di nya alam ang pangalan
Ate: o ha!
deepsydoodle: talaga?
deepsydoodle: wrong spelling?
deepsydoodle: i never noticed
Ate: it now sez Amilatha Paul
Ate: duh

(my dad's name is amitabha)

deepsydoodle: what??????????????
Ate: korek
deepsydoodle: why??????
Ate: bagong repaint di na siguro nila naintindihan
deepsydoodle: hmph
deepsydoodle: HMPH
deepsydoodle: but the old name was on marble
deepsydoodle: it was engraved
deepsydoodle: didn't need to be repainted
Ate: ewan ko nga eh
Ate: sabi ni marj sa kin pinapoint out siguro kasi ayaw nya yun
Ate: so its my next project to fix that
deepsydoodle: wow
deepsydoodle: grabe na

my dad died of a heart attack when i was three and my sister about eight. he's buried in my mom's hometown in laguna, which my sister visited with friends recently.

i always brush off the "i'm sorrys" i get from other people when they learn this about me. i sometimes say, "oh don't be, it wasn't your fault" which throws people off, that i can be so offhand about it. but really, most of the time i don't feel that i've lost anything. i never found it sad or weird that i just had one parent. to me, it was --and is-- utterly normal. i only really started thinking about it in college, by which time i figure i was too old be screwed up by my dad's death.

during one of our dinners out on this trip, marlon (who idolizes his father) asked me what it was like growing up without a dad. i had a very long and pensive answer, which i won't go into here (maybe in a future post). but what meant most to me about that conversation was that he asked. nobody's ever asked me anything like that before. i guess they feel it's too touchy a topic. and when i mentioned it to him, he simply said, "i want to know you more." hearing that, after two years, is wonderful.

anyway, moving on before i get too serious. fortunately, neither my sister nor i have ever had any overt ghostly experiences with my dad (my mom is a different story). i remember making a really morbid joke about his ghost in high school. some of my classmates and i were lobbying for a prom and were thinking of getting our parents to put in a good word for us with the school administration. i joked, "what if i got my dad to talk to them? that would really get them to listen!" needless to say, my classmates just stared at me, horrified.

so there it is, the first "sign" we've gotten from my dad for a really, really long time. of course it's not scary (duh, it's my dad) and not sad. but still.

belated happy father's day, daddy. i know you're happy where you are. and that you're still looking out for me. i miss you. and i'll try to go visit you soon.