- Wear makeup. Not lots of it, because you don't people to recognize you as a fag hag from 40 meters away. Just make sure your skin tone is even, your eyebags are sufficiently de-puffed, and that you have a nice healthy glow.
- Eat sugar. The rush should give you a little adrenaline to get started with your daunting task. (This morning's dose was imported from Cebu -- butterscotch, ronquillos and pinasugbo.)
- Wear pink. I mean fighting-form, strong pink. None of this sweet pastel claptrap. Remember, you are a bright, articulate fag hag! Not a pansy! Plus points if you can combine color with texture. A cotton-Lycra blend does not radiate power.
- Bring on the black pointy heels. This will call up your inner witch, and mystically invoke outer ones if you are not the inner-witch type. Yes, I know round toes/espadrilles/wedges are the shoes du jour, but you are an empowered fag hag -- you don't play by the rules. Besides, an ass will hurt more when kicked by a pointy heel than by a rounded blunt shape bound in abaca. They don't call 'em killer heels for nothing.
- Play your fighting soundtrack. The playlist really depends on you, but Kylie, Spice Girls and Wilson Philips are a must. (For the latter, I prefer the moody anthem of illicit love, Go Your Own Way. Their earlier stuff can be a little too people-pleasing for empowerment purposes.) My personal preferences run a bit earthy, such as Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood by Santa Esmeralda from the Kill Bill Vol. 1 soundtrack, as well as anything fast by Melissa Etheridge (yes, gay icon). After I Take You With Me, I felt like donning a fringed jacket and doing a weird, peppy kind of Navajo Indian jig as I entered the office. Beats clutching my swipe card nervously and shuffling in. I also like Battle Without Honor and Humanity, also from the Kill Bill soundtrack. This for a touch of masculinity tempered with camp.
- And remember -- he may be a foot taller than you, but you're essentially two of a kind.
wish me luck.
update: i think i was a bit optimistic going in with an agenda when it was really going to be his show all along. it helped to focus my thoughts though, and helped me remember valuable points.
i spoke, and i faltered a couple of times. he listened, but i'm not entirely sure he heard. a few strokes of ink on a sheet of paper -- reason to feel optimistic? i did agree with him on some things he said, and recognized others for what they were.
(akala ba niya hindi ko mage-gets ang mga little slivers of daot? baka hindi niya nalalaman! ako si biba fag hag! kublihan mo man ng accent, daot pa rin yan!)
oprah/dr phil ang drama niya. kate hudson/jennifer connelly ang akin. therefore, mas wagi ako.
exit fag hag.
